Pelosi State of the Union Reply

Since our new hero, Nancy Pelosi, trolled Fuckface about the State of the Union, I ended up thinking about the democratic response and how they would utter dumb platitudes. So I wrote a better speech. Perhaps you will like it...

LAST NOVEMBER, the American people, for the second time, voted for Democrats. In 2016, a bizarre fluke in our Constitution managed to give the Presidency to Donald Trump anyway. This time, an overwhelming majority voted for Democrats with the clear intent, if polls are to be believed, that we act as a counterweight to the psychotic pull of Donald Trump’s personality.

The State of the Union is dire in many ways. In a normal year, I would talk to you about climate change, DACA and economic stimulus. This year, only one thing matters: Our government is being destroyed.

In case you missed it, let me be clear about what happened. Donald Trump said, Give me $5.7 billion for a wall. We made a counteroffer. We said, we hate the wall but we will give you $1.6 billion. Donald agreed and a deal was made.

Then Laura Ingraham, Rush Limbaugh and Tucker Carlsen were mean to Donald and he reneged.

Since then, we’ve been waiting for a counteroffer. He’s says $5.7. We said $1.6, he says… Crickets.

So we wait. Lately people have been saying that Democrats should say what their affirmative border security policy is. This is it: DACA. Otherwise, there is no emergency. Illegal immigration is at historic lows. Undocumented immigrants are not rampaging the landscape with hammers. They continue to commit crimes, especially violent ones, at lower rates than other Americans.

Yes. I know. Donald told us several nasty stories this January but, my fellow Americans, anecdotes are not data. A guy in Wisconsin killed two people, kidnapped their daughter and held her captive. You don’t see me saying we should kick out all uneducated white men.

The truth is that there is no need for a wall. The President is lying when he says it is essential. We have lived for hundreds of years without one and America still stands. It is economically unwise. It is terrible for the environment. It is an awful contradiction to America’s self-image. It is pointless except as an exercise to inflate Donald Trump’s ego. If you want to control illegal immigration, put walls around airports where all the science says illegal immigration really happens.

If the President gets over his ego and makes a reasonable offer, we will make a reasonable counteroffer and get the government back to business. We have already made one counteroffer. We passed bills allowing him to open the non-immigration parts of the government. His response, also crickets.

So much for the master dealmaker. He’s figuring that Democrats will cave to his tantrum as public opinion forces our hand. The polls show that the American people are smarter than that. They heard him say he wanted a shutdown. He’s got it. Apparently he likes holding government employees hostage.

I want to add that Mitch McConnell has shown himself to be an awful wimp and has betrayed his oath of office. He is a Senator. There is absolutely nothing in that job description that talks about being the President’s legislative director. He has an obligation to the country. HIs failure to allow voting on the bills the House has passed is nothing short of un-American.

I am under no illusion that either Mitch or Donald will cooperate with us. Democrats will continue to act as responsible legislators. We will understand the problems in our society and look for solutions. We will pass bills that are well considered and practical. They will not become law but will serve as evidence that the American people can use to imagine a decent future as they make their electoral choices in the next election.

What Democrats will not do is submit to the nasty impulses of the nutcase in the Oval Office. He cannot be trusted and just giving him what we wants, especially when it’s stupid will only encourage future tantrums. Do us all a favor and picket the White House and the State houses of Republican governors. Tell them that you understand that Donald Trump is playing with the lives of 800,000 people in order to try to bully me. Tell them that you understand that I have had many men try to bully me in my life. It won’t work.

Then donate to Democratic candidates A dollar for a Democrat is a vote for sanity.

Thank you for listening.